“…go crazy and hire Def Leppard…”
People often wonder why I’m so frugal, or “tightfisted” as it’s been eloquently put, and this is how I can describe it. Here is an excerpt from an email I sent recently stating it simply and metaphorically.
“…I was talking with people at a bloggers dinner last night and the one thing I came to realize, and more accurately put into words, is this. Women think their wedding day is the biggest day of their lives. Well up to that point it is, but the numerous best days of their lives are yet to come. So why not leave some water in the well for the future. I mean first, second, third baby, first house, and several other firsts will mean just as much as committing yourself to your beloved. Plus the fact that you will be sharing new firsts with that person makes it that much sweeter. Not spending loads of money on that one day doesn’t make it any less special or romantic. It just makes you realize there’s a whole life ahead of you to plan for.”
To embellish on that further I’m not knocking huge weddings if you can afford it. Hell, go crazy and hire Def Leppard if that tickles your fancy, but remember this. Sometimes a big wedding might be compensation for a little relationship.
I’ll confess something that most people don’t know. I’ve obviously dated other people in the past and as a normal healthy woman I’ve thought about marriage a time or two. Matter of fact I’ve pictured my big day since I was 12 when my sister got married. What kind of flowers, limos, and of course the dress. I’ve pictured everything including a faceless man standing at the alter waiting for me. Funny thing about that is “he” has always had dark brown hair. Hmmm! Premonition? Anyway, back to the point.
My last serious boyfriend of 2 years was, on paper, a great catch. He had money, a great job, was a gym buff and in excellent shape, and I even got along famously with his mother. Now for the minus, the big minus, he replaced love and affection with gifts. I never wanted for anything because I knew when the guilt of ignoring me got too heavy, I’d have a new gadget. Home stereo system for my birthday, ipod for Christmas, and jewelry occasionally just because. The gifts were wonderful and eased the pain of emotional distance for a period of time, but nothing that could sustain me permanently.
One day we decided to go ring shopping. We hit every jewelry store in the mall. I found myself leaning more towards the higher end rings. Larger 2 carat 3 stone princess cut rings and matching band loaded with diamonds. Why was I looking to get the most expensive ring when everything else in my life was so frugal? Because of who was giving it to me. I wanted the big ring to compensate for the little love.
“…It was almost too perfect…”
When Anton proposed to me he had nothing to put on my hand. He had a heart full of love and the words on his lips. He got down on one knee, held my hand, and pledged his love to me while asking for my hand in marriage. There was no time for an extravagant scene planned out or absorbanent amounts of money spent to sweeten the deal. It was just him and me in my house having a great conversation when it hit him. He wanted to be with me forever and couldn’t wait another moment to ask, so he did.
The next words out of his mouth were. “We need to go shopping!” I suggested getting a ring from a bubble gum machine. Just a plastic one to remind me of him. A PLASTIC engagement ring! And why did I want such a cheap ring? Because of what it meant. It meant that I was going to be with the love of my life forever and all I needed was that promise and nothing else. No 3 stone 2 carat princess cut diamond ring with matching band loaded with more diamonds. He would have loved to buy me those rings but I told him I would hear nothing of the sort.
So one afternoon we went to Wal-mart to get a few odds and ends, not even thinking about the ring, and there it was. The jewelry counter right at the front entrance to the store. We looked over the giant fake rings but decided against it for the pure fact that it looked really fake and would most likely fall apart. Then we decided on a “place holder” (his term) of cubic zirconia in white gold. Strong enough not to fall apart but so beautiful it looked like the real deal.
It was almost too perfect that we didn’t spend loads of money on a ring since my mother recently decided to bequeath my grandmothers wedding set to me. I would marry Anton barefoot on a beach in a sundress with flowers in my hair and a few close friend and family to celebrate with us over a buffet style reception. It’s our day and the best way to celebrate it is an expression of our love and personalities. There isn’t one specific set of criteria for having weddings, much as planners try to convince you otherwise. So why commit yourself to ‘traditions’ that don’t properly reflect who you are. We get away from the true meaning of a wedding and make it into some extravagant affair and feel guilty if we don’t pull out all the stops. Well I’m here to say that thought process has got to stop. Take control of your day because in all fairness it is YOUR day. Don’t let anyone pressure you into thinking differently.
Dance all night, celebrate til dawn, and most importantly have a blast!!