Honeymoon on a Dime?

Because I got married abroad my mother decided that spending ‘all that money to get there’ meant she should stay as long as humanly possible. I love my mother dearly so I had no problem with her staying an extra TWO WEEKS after the wedding. Only problem is that meant NO honeymoon. The extra time I took off work I spent showing her all around Ireland while the hubby went back to work (he didn’t mind a bit-weirdo loves to work).

So instead of a honeymoon we decided to save up for a trip to some place fun and historical when we had the time. I love going to places with character and history because, you guessed it, it’s cheaper. You can oogle the buildings and monuments and don’t spend a dime doing it because you’re usually outside. So finally, 2 1/2 year after our wedding, we’re going to Krakow, Poland. And to be honest we really didn’t need to wait that long because the whole trip including airfare, hotel stay, and breakfast for 6 days came to just under 500 euro!! It’s so easy to find cheap but nice hotels to stay in in Europe. If you’re coming from America it’s a bit more expensive. I’d recommend a trip to Canada or Mexico for a cheaper option of getting out of the US.

Ireland is one of the most expensive places to visit on the planet. Even just a weekend out of town can cost upwards of the price of my entire trip to Krakow. It’s gotten more reasonable since the recession but still nowhere near as cheap as other countries. The only advantage of coming to Ireland money-wise is if you’re in the UK because Sterling (GBP) is still kicking the Euro’s butt.

Some ideas of budget honeymoons:

• Hit up friends or family that live in cool places and see if you can stay there free or on the cheap.
• Go camping-Campgrounds can be as little as a tenner a night.
• Take a long weekend. There’s no rule that says a honeymoon needs to be 7  full days and nights. Sometimes a shorter break is all you need. Hey, you at least got out of town.
• Look for travel packages at an agency. They can get you to some pretty cool places with package deals. New resorts open all the time and they offer super reduced rates just to get people to try it out.
• Take a bus or train instead of a plane. It might take you longer to get there but it may end up being cheaper.
• Book any flights 6 months in advance. The second flights to your destination appear book them. They get more expensive as the time draws closer.
• Europeans-Take the train across Europe. I think it’s like 100 quid and you can get on and off anywhere you like. Explore new places and just live moment to moment.
• Americans-Take a bus across the country. You can both see the sites that way and no worries of getting lost!

Sometimes ‘planning’ a honeymoon takes the spontaneity and romance out of it. Give yourself an idea of where you’re going but maybe leave the details for when you get there. You’ll have so much to plan for the wedding day that having that part be breezy might just be what you need. To be sure you have enough for a honeymoon, start a ‘honeymoon fund’ the second he proposes that you NEVER touch. Even make it a charitable fund anyone can contribute to. As little as a fiver a week will add up in a year’s time. And hey, isn’t the week off after all that stress worth a bit more than the wedding day?  Trust me, you’ll need it.

Confetti-Flower Petals NOT Seeds

Traditionally you would throw rice at the happy couple after they leave the church. Not sure where this tradition came from but it later became controversial. Some birds got sick and people said “throw birdseed, save the birds!!” So that’s what I did. Trying to be all PC I chose to have my lovely guests throw sunflower seeds on us. Good idea right? Oh my GOD no! It was the most painful thing ever. One person thought it would be a fun idea to blast me in the face at point blank range. Please people, if you go to a wedding where there are seeds or any hard pellet sized objects given to you to throw, lob it…The one cute thing I did was use little sheer pink and lavender draw tie bags to hold the seeds in. They looked adorable in the basket by the church entrance. That’s where you would keep them for when everyone comes into the church. Either have someone hand them a bag (so they aren’t all used up by a family with 6 kids) or have them placed them in the seats.

A few less painful options for confetti are:

• Flower Petals-Daisies and roses are lovely because they both come in white and wont stain clothes.
• Bubbles– A less desirable option because of possible spillage but painless nonetheless (unless you get one in the eye).
• Faux Flower Petals– A bit more expensive than real ones and harder to clean up but again, not painful.
• Biodegradable Paper Confetti– If you can’t find anyone that stocks these make them yourself by getting some sheets of paper and a hole punch. Takes a little time but, hey, what are bridesmaids for?

Click on the picture of the basket above and it will take you to a UK website for confetti baskets and the like. Such cute ideas posted there too.

Share you stories (or horrors) and ideas for great confetti options.

DIY Centerpieces

Now that my wedding is over, and I can relax, I’m going to only do fun posts with great  ideas to save you money.

I found this amazing website that give you loads of DIY wedding accessory ideas. Everything from arranging flowers to making your own centerpieces is listed on this site.  Being in Ireland I don’t have access to huge craft superstores like I did back home, but I still have great ideas to make that budget wedding gorgeous.

Floating candle centerpieces are an inexpensive way to jazz up the table and people can even take them home as gifts. You can stick a coin under one of the seats at every table and whoever has the coin gets the centerpiece. Have this announced when everyone is in their seats and the time is appropriate.

Now how to make it. Go to any craft superstore, discount kitchen store, or even Wal-Mart.  Find tall clear glass cylinders or even shorter glass containers that are wide and not clear. Whatever your personal preference.  If you chose a taller clear container you can put fresh flowers in the bottom (cheaper than fake and look better) with a candle on top. Simple, easy, done in 3 steps. Flower then water then candle. Done.

The shorter wider base ones are easy as well. Simply add water, candles, and for a special touch float flower petals or entire blooms on the water. In a shorter clear container you can take long green stems of flowers like lilies and weave them in the bottom placing the flower heads on the water.

If the reception hall will be dark, lighting the candles adds a romantic touch to the occasion.  But if your reception is during the day in a bright room, candles might not be your first choice.

What’s the theme of your wedding? A beach scene? Winter formal? Vibrant autumn colors? Build a centerpiece that best matches your theme.

Beach weddings can have water centerpieces with shells in the bottom and goldfish or beta swimming in it. Buying fish bowls might even been cheaper. Other beach accessories you could use are rocks, sand, starfish, sand dollars or even colored glass pebbles. Try a few of these before the wedding to see which one you like best. It’s best to experience any problems that might occur (fish poop)way before hand as well. It only takes one day to find that out.  If you don’t add flowers at least jazz up the bowl with ribbon, a painted design, or even some twine tied in a bow.

Also a good idea is to see what you have local to you. Is there a beach nearby? How about trees with fall foliage you can pick? What about planning so far ahead that you actually try to grow the flowers for your own wedding. You don’t need a green thumb to grow bulb plants like tulips, lilies, or even hyacinth (which are so fragrant and gorgeous).  Flowers that are in season at the time of your wedding will make them cheaper if you do need to buy them.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you don’t have to spend a lot on your wedding. And making as many DIY things as you can will save you in the long run. If you have any questions please feel free to leave a comment.

I Now Pronounce You Husband and Wife

Man, am I clever or what?

It’s the day before the wedding and all the accessories are bought and paid for, body is freshly waxed, and nails are gorgeous. So it’s time to relax and enjoy being around my friends and family.  Well, not quite yet.

Except for the tiny fact that I don’t have anyone to play “Here comes the bride”. The overpriced uilleann pipe player informed me that, even though he does loads of weddings, he doesn’t know how to blow out that tune. Strike one. Then I find out that the wonderful caring and giving person that’s going to play the piano and sing with my soon-to-be sister-in-law doesn’t know the tune either. Strike two. So I found it on iTunes and downloaded it for $1.99 (bargain) and burn it to a disk. Man, am I clever or what? Keep this part fresh in your mind because that story isn’t over yet.

“Uh, who is this?”

OK now I paint all of the wedding party’s nails, hands and toes, to match my colour scheme. We sort out last minute details like who’s bringing the sunflower seeds to throw at Anton and I as we leave the church and the newly burned cd of our wedding march. I just had one last thing nagging me. The limos. I never touched base with the drivers to make sure they were coming. Easy enough, I’ll just text them to make sure everything is A-OK.

Text to both: “Hiya, Jessica here, just making sure we’re all set for my wedding tomorrow. 2:15 at my place, don’t be late!”

Text reply from Rolls driver, “Yup all set. See you then.” (Let out half a breath)

Phone call reply from limo driver, “Uh, who is this?”

Frantic Psycho Bridezilla:”Jessica Roy! I booked you for my wedding tomorrow about 4 weeks ago? Ring any bells?”

At this point everyone in the room went silent. As if the look of horror on my face wasn’t enough of an indicator that something was terribly wrong.

L.D. “Yea I have something written here in my book. Refresh my memory again.”

This is the part that gets a little fuzzy for me as I wasn’t breathing properly and I got a little lightheaded. I basically tried jogging his memory which didn’t really work as I could tell he was still completely confused. Luckily he hadn’t booked anyone else that day, so he could fit me in. Nice. Needless to say I was disgusted. And to be honest, the limo was shite as well.

Word of advice, ALWAYS go check out the hire cars for your wedding. Never assume they are nice just because they are a professional company. And triple check all arrangements for your special day. Getting things in writing works best, but a phone call a week prior is vital.

The morning of my wedding was quite calm. I slept well, something I never thought I’d do. I hated not having my fiance next to me but it was tradition not to see the bride before the wedding.  My family and I went into Ennis that morning to see the flowers and make sure they were what I wanted. I was blown away with how gorgeous they were. I ordered them at Mulqueens Florist on O’Connell Street and was thoroughly impressed. I had to change my order about 3 times to suit change in dress colour and number of groomsmen. They were more than happy to oblige. Plus the price for all of the flowers was fantastic. Put it this way, I got 3 bouquets, 3 mother corsages, 4 button holes, elaborate cake flowers, alter flowers, 6 pew bouquets, and petals for my fathers dedication candle all for around €340. I highly recommend this company for your wedding.  See the flowers and other wedding pictures here.

As we left the florist, my niece and I saw one of the groomsmen come out of a shop so I knew Anton was close by. We ran by blocking any view of me with random pedestrians then killed some time before our hair and makeup appointments.

Long story short, the hair came out great, but the makeup and photographer made us extremely late. Everyone wanted makeup on last minute so I had to oblige. The photographer was supposed to meet us one street over from where he was parked but drove right by. By then I was sweating and having heart palpitations as well as swearing like a trucker. I blasted through traffic and really pissed off another motorist that in turn followed me half way home just to flip me off. Whatever dude, I’m the bride.  WIth my family muttering Hail Marys under their breath and death gripping ‘oh-shit’ handles in the car, we finally made it home.

Wedding starts at 3pm. We arrive home at 2:59 in jeans and the comfy shirts we wore to the hair dresser. The limo and Rolls Royce drivers are waiting patiently and my friends are inside ready to help us zip, clasp, and squeeze our way into our dresses, shoes, and jewelry.

We make it out the door and to the church by 3:15. I never dressed so fast in my life. Little did I know that just 5 minutes before I got there, half of the guests weren’t even there yet. I have to remember the Irish pace of things. I should have shown up at 4. Next time I’ll do that. Oh yea, there is no next time. Ah well.

This is where it gets interesting. Remember when I told you to keep the wedding march fresh in your mind? Well, here’s where it gets sticky.  My friends show up in the limo just in front of us. My now sister-in-law is outside waiting for the disk. The ONLY song on the whole cd. Nothing can go wrong, right?

She tells my friends to stall me for a couple minutes so they can get the music ready. She runs back inside and hands the disk to the best man. He then heads to where the stereo is to insert said disk. He’s met at the door by a 4 foot nothing old woman with a wooden cane. She instructs him to put the disk in and use the remote control, all the while threatening him with the cane.

Instrumental music started to play and my bridesmaids headed down the aisle. I peeked inside and saw them reach the alter.  Music stops, now it’s my turn.  With my mom on my arm we walk up to the inside door. This was my big moment. The one I’d been dreaming about for 20 years. Ten seconds, twenty seconds, thirty seconds, almost a minute goes by and no music. The whole church is staring at us but we can’t move. Finally some faint music plays, not my song of course, so I decided not to wait any longer. My gorgeous fiance was waiting for me, so, embarrassed and fuming, I started to walk.  Mom fell into step and just as we were about 3 pews from the altar “Da, da da daaaaa” my song starts blaring through the speakers loud enough to wake the dead. Everyone started to laugh and I joined in because it was either laugh or commit homicide.

My mom tearfully handed me off to Anton and to start the ceremony. He kissed my hand and let me to the altar where we became man and wife.

A few hiccups happened here and there but nothing too drastic. Except maybe Anton’s brother reading my fathers name as Oogeen Boyle and not Eugene Roy. But hey, only everyone noticed.  All in all it was a great day.

Would I change anything about the day if I could?  Maybe.  But bottom line is we’re married and blissfully in love.  And let’s face it, it does make one heck of a story.

Enter Bridezilla

I know it’s been a while since my last post, and, I apologize. But I’m here now to tell some of the story of the last few weeks up to my wedding. (before I forget)

I was hoping to have all of my last minute planning done before my family arrived on June 5th, but, there’s a reason they call it ‘last minute’. I told everyone I wasn’t going to be a bridezilla and that everything would run smooth as silk. Shya! That lasted about .6 seconds when I realized I had to schedule a nail appointment, full body waxing, clean my house from top to bottom, grocery shop for 6 people, and trot my family and friends around Ireland as a tour guide. Not to mention the fact that the guest toilet stopped flushing, the hot water tank only heats water in this house when the heat is on (heat on in June, not going to happen) so the guest shower was out of the question, and the fridge was on the fritz. I don’t own a coffee pot and Americans just don’t do instant, so begrudgingly my family choked down as much as they could before letting me know it just wasn’t kosher. Luckily I have a coffee press so that did in a pinch. I was asked about the currency conversion so many times that I have a formula memorized to calculate any amount. And if I heard one more complaint about how much it rains here or the fact that clothing, that I told them not to bring a lot of, couldn’t be worn because it’s too cold, I was going to lose it. And people wonder why I had a nervous breakdown.

Deep breath…

Now for the good news. We did have a few days of wonderful weather and luckily the rain held out long enough for me to get my hair done and then run over to the spa for makeup. But before I get into that I’m going to back up and tell you a few things I did to plan my wedding day before my family arrived.

Shoes…

Trying to find shoes in Ireland was a trip. I went to every store in Ennis, Galway, and Limerick only to end up buying them on the internet. Apparently you can’t buy a decent pair of shoes in this country under €95. The one bridal store I ventured into in Ennis had a cute pair of strappy rhinestone shoes. But when I put them on my feet swam in them. My feet were too narrow for these shoes! Then under some good lighting I noticed they weren’t even white. They were almond, or eggshell, or whatever people call it these days. I asked the woman working there if they came in white. She then informed me, now hang on to your hat for this one, that I had to get a piece of my dress and mail it, and the shoes, to Belfast for them to be dyed the right color. Dyed? What do you mean dyed? How do you dye a shoe white? Bleach maybe, but how many shades of white are there? It screamed of scam and when I told my dress alter-er the tale she looked at me like I was crazy. She had never heard of dying shoes white either. Oh and the best part is it would cost me another €35 to get them “dyed” plus shipping. Hey I’m the frugal bride, remember? 

So bottom line is I got my shoes online at My Glass Slipper and had them shipped to my Mom in Florida. It’s an American website and they don’t ship overseas. Athough if you know one of the 300 million Americans with an address, maybe you can ship it to them and have them post it to you.  

 

These are my babies. They were only $48 plus $10 in shipping. With the conversion rate my shoes cost a whopping total of €36. Now that’s a bargain.

Veil…

The veil was easy. Although it took months of searching and debating about what style, length, and place to buy it from. I finally settled on having one made by my alter-er. Now I don’t always recommend this as the price could become ridiculous, especially for what you’re getting. Mine was very simple and elegant, but hugely overpriced. It was a mid waist length piece of material that was sewn to a comb. Nothing fancy, no jewels, embroidery, or even an edging and it cost me €75. Thankfully the shoes were such a bargain that it made up of for the staggering price of the veil. Although it’s now something I can’t brag about getting for a steal. Should’ve bought it from David’s Bridal in the States and had it brought over with Mom. Ah bygones.

All Other Accessories…

The ring pillow, garter, and other bits and bobs were brought over by my family as well. One accessory that wasn’t incidental but most important was my wedding ring set. As I mentioned in a previous post my Mother bequeathed my Grandmothers set to me. It’s a gorgeous round stone with 3 channel set diamond on each side set in white gold with a delicate matching band. The set is almost 70 years old and it looks amazing. I was very pleased to find that they fit perfectly and didn’t need sizing at all.  We purchased Anton’s ring in Galway and he wouldn’t allow me to spend loads on it so we compromised and spent what we felt was fair.

Disaster Succesfully Averted

Being the anal planner that I am, I paid most of my deposits today and called all of my bookings to reconfirm everyone’s attendance. Photographer-check, cake-check, flowers-check, transportation-check, videographer-“We actually booked that day with someone else since our last chat…” I’m sorry,What? Did I just hallucinate? How could this have happened? I had a great chat with the videographer and thought we had an understanding. I was going to pay the deposit when I had the cash and he was going to be a great guy and wait for me. Fat chance. Word of advice. Don’t expect anyone to keep their word when money is on the line. Make sure when you’re going to book a service for a wedding that you pay them and fill out the booking order as quickly as possible.

So I’m sitting in the living room screaming at my laptop and sweating profusely. Meanwhile Anton is sitting across the room watching me morph into Bridezilla of epic proportions, most likely questioning his sanity for proposing to such a spa. In the reply email cancelling my confirmation, the videographer informed me that he could help me find another one if I so desired. Of course I so desire. Did he think I wasn’t serious when (I thought) I booked him? I sent a reply email and waited about .6 seconds then called his number to which I got no answer. I left him a message and called the other number. I think his mum answered which concerned me a bit but then brushed it off. Hey some people still live with their parents at 40 years old. Who am I to judge. I was told by the pleasant woman on the phone that he was possibly doing a wedding tonight. That was like salt in the wound. Knowing he might be videoing some other lucky bride who’s booking he didn’t cancel. But then I thought ‘It’s Monday. Who would get married on a Monday?’ Poor thing’s confused, bless.

Short story long his partner called me back. I was pleasant for as long as I could be. I said hello nicely then flipped my wig. I’m sorry. I’m an American who lived in New England my whole life. Do you really expect me to have patience? I told her how poor I thought it was that she booked over my day without even calling me first. She said I had to consider her blah blah blah. I didn’t hear the rest because I blasted her with her lack of professionalism and how a wedding is a huge day with loads of planning and if they couldn’t have the decency to call and confirm…you get the picture. She did say that she called but didn’t leave a message. Bollox to that. She never called. I’m not an idiot.

She gave me two names and numbers to call. The first one didn’t answer so the stress level just about peaked and almost turned into tears. I’m not hormonal I swear. I’m just a spoiled brat. I called the second number. When the man answered he must have thought a squirrel high on caffeine called him. My voice goes a few octaves higher when I’m nervous and I speak rather quickly. He confirmed that he had that date available and my body went limp. I released the air I trapped in my lungs just in case I needed to scream.

We had a lovely chat and come to find out he’s cheaper that the people I originally booked. He had a pleasant demeanor and loads of experience doing weddings. I can now breathe easy again. He also agreed with me that the original videographer I booked never called to confirm either. He said it’s sad but it happens all the time. If you want to know who he is, comment on this post and I’ll email his info to you. He’s out of Tipperary and doesn’t have a website that I know of. But I have his name and mobile if you need it and are getting married in Ireland.

So far that’s the only huge hiccup I’ve experienced and hopefully the last. I know everything happens for a reason and I think this was God’s way of saving me a few extra quid and making sure my day would be flawless. I just wish I could get it through my thick head not to panic about everything.

Def Leppard Was Booked So I Got A DJ

Ok huge dilemma. We just listened to our fifth band and, yet again, they sucked. We have no idea who to book. We’re super picky and me being an American, and a fan of the DJ, have found no one who can play up to our standards. Am I being too picky? Is my reception going to suck because I don’t want live entertainment? I just always pictured my big day with music played by the original artist. I’ve never even liked going to see cover-bands. It just annoys me. I know the Irish way is live music and karaoke-like fun, but seriously people, where is the talent around here? I will take any and all suggestions and listen to another 50 demos if I have to. Send them my way.

Anton’s family are extremely talented and can sing like angels. Either way, booking a band or a DJ, they will have to understand that his sisters and brother will be going up there to do a number or two. So we need someone flexible and easy going who will allow audience participation.  

I’m not mentioning any names, and don’t ask me to, but the demos I was sent and the one band I actually went to see, were bloody awful. One band even boasted about themselves so much I thought they were the second coming. They said they were booked into 2010 and they just happened to be available on my day. How lucky was I? So I was delighted I asked them to send me a demo. There are no words to describe how disappointed I was. Think Jimmy Buffet with about 50% less talent. €1500 for that? Bollox. I just threw the demo away and went back to the drawing board.

I know bands have to share the fee but to have a reasonably priced reception the only way to go is a DJ. And hopefully you know someone who can do it for you as a favor or at a good price. That’s a huge portion of the cost for a wedding is the entertainment. I have no problem having a DJ and I finally convinced the fiance that it’s our only option.

For a DJto play for roughly 8 hours they charge €950. For a band to play 2 1/2 to 3 hours they charge a minimum of €1200. Then you have to hire either another band or a DJ to play the rest of the night.  Hmmm whats the better deal? And which one do you think I would chose? When I saw the price comparison there was no question. Plus you can get them cheaper if you have them start after the meal and forgo the bridal party announcement.

One DJ service that gives you a text quote go to the Weddingdjs website and get the mobile number.

Any DJ recommendations are also welcome appreciated. Just post them in comments and I will look into all of them. 

You’ve been a wonderful crowd, thank you, and, goodnight.  

Videoing My Hair In A Limo While Playing The Uilleann Pipes?

While living in Limerick, Anton and I would frequent the town market on Saturdays. One Saturday we went down and heard someone playing the uilleann pipes. We stopped and looked at each other. Immediately our eyes began to fill and that’s when we knew we couldn’t have this wedding without them. I had heard them many years back and always dreamed about having them at my wedding. Not realizing that one day I would infact marry an Irishman. They are just the most beautiful sound and a tradition in the Irish heritage.

I am pleased to announce that I have just booked an uilleann pipes player for the wedding ceremony. I’m so excited. He’s only going to play at the ceremony because we’re having a band play at the reception. He’s only €150, which I thought was reasonable. If you want to know who he is you can email me. Haven’t asked if I can blog about him yet. I will and post it at a later date. Visit this great website  if you’re getting married in the Cork area and want an uilleann pipe player at your ceremony. Donal was quick to respond to my email and although he couldn’t help me being so far away, he was more than willing to offer suggestions for someone closer to my area.

The wonderful person who actually referred me to the player I booked today was Gabriela Avram. A terrific lady who I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know from social techie events here in Ireland. She’s got a great blog about the events she attends and the work she does in market research in technology. Thanks again Gabriela!

 “There are some things you can penny pinch on but my hair isn’t one of them.”

The first of three huge planning details I took care of yesterday was booking a videographer. I had called a few a couple months back to no avail. They were all booked. So I figured it wasn’t meant to be. Then I went poking around the internet again yesterday and found this great website, Keane For Beauty, with links to an array of bridal planning websites and phone numbers. Now mind you these services are mainly localized in County Clare, but most will travel for a nominal fee.

I first contacted Brooks Video,  from the links on the website, who said they regretably couldn’t cover it because they weren’t going to be in town. Yet they were more than willing to offer me two alternatives and one in particular worked out beautifully. The videographer I chose to go with is SES Digital. They have several packages to chose from ranging in price from €650 to €1100.  Very reasonable considering I’ve been quoted anywhere from €1200-€2000.  Declan from SES Digital was extremely helpful in answering all my questions and even sent me samples of his work. You can see them on the website as well.

The second thing I booked yesterday was the hairdresser. I found her on the same website as the videographer. I’m using Ev’s Hair Design in Quin. She’s really close by and can come to the house to do all the bridesmaids, my mom, and myself. Bridesmaids and mothers pay roughly €30 and mine will be €50. Plus another €50 for the onsite fee. I figure it’s worth it because the way the wind is out here, I’m not chancing too many trips to and from the car. So once I get my veil and tiara/comb I can bring it to her for a free practice run. There are some things you can penny pinch on but my hair isn’t one of them.

“…with enough ribbon and flowers…I’ll be happy.”

The last thing I booked yesterday was the transportation. I cheated and looked on www.goldenpages.ie for someone local. All of the websites I found were in Dublin and I wasn’t willing to pay twice the amount for the commute. So I’m going with Joe O’Leary in Limerick. For a black stretched limo that seats 8 that will pick me and my girls up at the house, drive us to the church, take us to any photo sites we chose, then on to the reception, will cost a total of €300. I called several places yesterday and needless to say they were the cheapest. An alternative to this, that I don’t have the pleasure of, is having a friend or family member that has a Hummer or larger vehicle that can pick a lot of people up.

An idea that Anton came up with as a solution to the problem of ‘how do he and I get to the reception with a limo full of the wedding party?’ was for us to rent a Mercedes or equivelent for the day. That way he and the groomsmen can use it to get to the church in style and we can use it after the ceremony. We’re going to have someone in the wedding party, or a friend, drive us instead of a chauffeur. That is going to cost a fraction of the amount it would if we booked a Rolls Royce with chauffeur. Ideally a Rolls is what I wanted but with enough ribbon and flowers on the car, I’ll be happy.  

Another website that helps with wedding planning is www.weddings.ie. It’s loaded with ideas from “etiquette for the big day” to “who pays for what“. You can even find bands, chauffeurs, and bridal party gift ideas on the site as well. I found it very useful.

So that was my entire afternoon yesterday. Surfing, emailing, calling, and booking things that seemed to only be available by chance. And the funny thing is I always ended up booking with the least expensive option. Guess this wedding is really meant to be. If you put your energy out there to get a budget wedding, do your research, and open your mind to fun alternatives, you’ll get exactly what you want. The perfect ‘wedding on a dime’.

Pre-cana, Part Deux

A few weeks ago we had our last pre-cana course and I’m here to tell you all about it.

“They really drove the point home that this is FOREVER!!!”

We started out by entering the classroom and sitting in chairs lined up to face the front of the room. An overhead projector flashed love sayings with pictures of flowers until everyone got there.  Anton and I sat in our chairs holding hands and giggling like idiots when I looked around and took notice of everyone in the room. There were 42 people in the class (21 couples) and about 3 of us looked like we wanted to be there. Anton and I were 2 of them. The women were pleasant enough but the men had what you would typically call the ‘I don’t wanna do this’ face. Just a bunch of grumps. I could only sympathise what those women had to put up with to get them there.

So the class starts and the speakers introduced themselves. Two woman (wearing the same skirt and no it wasn’t a uniform) and a priest. They each had their own modules for teaching the class. We touched on subjects like children and women’s fertility, sexuality, finances, and how permanent this decision is. Honestly if I took this class 10 years ago with anyone I was dating back then, I would have called the whole thing off. They really drove the point home that this is FOREVER!!!

At one point the priest sat in a chair and pulled out a grocery bag. He then pulled personal items out of the bag describing what those items meant pertaining to his upbringing.  He then labeled it his “baggage” and described how it’s what he brings to every aspect of his life. He explained how we need to realize ours and what we bring forth to our marriage.  What we grew up with, our parents, our household jobs, past relationships, and anything else that frames us today.  I was amazed at how simple an idea that was but so completely accurate.

Another exercise we had to do was break the room up into 4 groups and take a test. Two groups of girls and two of guys. We were given the test with 20 questions and as a group we had to decide if it was true, false, or depends. They were all about women’s fertility so I couldn’t wait to see the men’s results. Once the tests were scored we were told the results. The men had the lowest scores with 7 and 9 out of 20. Oddly enough the women scored really low as well. The highest was 14 out of 20. They worded the questions so it was next to impossible to get the all right.  And who the hell makes a test with “depends” as one of the answers?

“…if a priest wasn’t present, I think she would have set him ablaze.”

Anyway, on to the rest of the day. We had a break for tea and biscuits and another for lunch. When we came back from lunch we had one more fun project to do. We had to hold a pen together and draw our ideal home without talking.  I thought it was a team building exercise or to see what we thought our ideal home would be. That was until they asked the question “Who did most of the drawing?” Well Anton controlled the pen and fought me when I tried to suggest what to draw. It got to the point where I was ready to whip out my own pen and draw, so we know what that exercise really meant. Yea, we’re both control freaks. So sue us. But it did bring to light the fact that we are. Only problem is I don’t see that changing any time soon. Hey, at least we can admit it.

The last thing we did that day was have a church service and lit a unity candle. As I looked around the room at the couples I noticed a few things. The way they held the candles. For example, Anton was holding my hand as I was holding the candle and our bodies were turned towards each other with arms pressed into each other.  Which, to me, was the way you were supposed to hold a ‘Unity Candle’. As a loving couple. Then I looked directly across from us and saw how this couple held theirs. He was holding the middle of the candle and she was cupping the bottom with the tips of her fingers so as to not touch his flesh AT ALL! She looked like she wanted to pour kerosene on him and flip the candle onto his lap. It was hilarious yet sad at the same time. They must have had the fight of a lifetime at lunch and if a priest wasn’t present, I think she would have set him ablaze. All I could think was, ‘I don’t see her making it to the alter’.

The other couples didn’t look much better. Some were holding hands like Anton and I, but their body language said ‘get a move on Father’. The class got out at 4pm, an hour early, because a rugby match was on at 5pm. I found it disheartening that even God is rushed for a game. Who knows what I might have been able to learn about myself and my betrothed in that last hour. But I guess we’ll never know. Hope the rugby match was worth it.

Amen.

Confessions of a Frugal Bride

“…go crazy and hire Def Leppard…”

People often wonder why I’m so frugal, or “tightfisted” as it’s been eloquently put, and this is how I can describe it. Here is an excerpt from an email I sent recently stating it simply and metaphorically.

“…I was talking with people at a bloggers dinner last night and the one thing I came to realize, and more accurately put into words, is this. Women think their wedding day is the biggest day of their lives. Well up to that point it is, but the numerous best days of their lives are yet to come. So why not leave some water in the well for the future. I mean first, second, third baby, first house, and several other firsts will mean just as much as committing yourself to your beloved. Plus the fact that you will be sharing new firsts with that person makes it that much sweeter. Not spending loads of money on that one day doesn’t make it any less special or romantic. It just makes you realize there’s a whole life ahead of you to plan for.”

To embellish on that further I’m not knocking huge weddings if you can afford it. Hell, go crazy and hire Def Leppard if that tickles your fancy, but remember this. Sometimes a big wedding might be compensation for a little relationship.

I’ll confess something that most people don’t know. I’ve obviously dated other people in the past and as a normal healthy woman I’ve thought about marriage a time or two. Matter of fact I’ve pictured my big day since I was 12 when my sister got married. What kind of flowers, limos, and of course the dress. I’ve pictured everything including a faceless man standing at the alter waiting for me. Funny thing about that is “he” has always had dark brown hair. Hmmm! Premonition? Anyway, back to the point.

My last serious boyfriend of 2 years was, on paper, a great catch. He had money, a great job, was a gym buff and in excellent shape, and I even got along famously with his mother. Now for the minus, the big minus, he replaced love and affection with gifts. I never wanted for anything because I knew when the guilt of ignoring me got too heavy, I’d have a new gadget. Home stereo system for my birthday, ipod for Christmas, and jewelry occasionally just because. The gifts were wonderful and eased the pain of emotional distance for a period of time, but nothing that could sustain me permanently.

One day we decided to go ring shopping.  We hit every jewelry store in the mall. I found myself leaning more towards the higher end rings. Larger 2 carat 3 stone princess cut rings and matching band loaded with diamonds. Why was I looking to get the most expensive ring when everything else in my life was so frugal? Because of who was giving it to me. I wanted the big ring to compensate for the little love.

“…It was almost too perfect…”

When Anton proposed to me he had nothing to put on my hand. He had a heart full of love and the words on his lips. He got down on one knee, held my hand, and pledged his love to me while asking for my hand in marriage. There was no time for an extravagant scene planned out or absorbanent amounts of money spent to sweeten the deal. It was just him and me in my house having a great conversation when it hit him. He wanted to be with me forever and couldn’t wait another moment to ask, so he did.

The next words out of his mouth were. “We need to go shopping!” I suggested getting a ring from a bubble gum machine. Just a plastic one to remind me of him. A PLASTIC engagement ring!  And why did I want such a cheap ring? Because of what it meant. It meant that I was going to be with the love of my life forever and all I needed was that promise and nothing else. No 3 stone 2 carat princess cut diamond ring with matching band loaded with more diamonds. He would have loved to buy me those rings but I told him I would hear nothing of the sort.

So one afternoon we went to Wal-mart to get a few odds and ends, not even thinking about the ring, and there it was. The jewelry counter right at the front entrance to the store.  We looked over the giant fake rings but decided against it for the pure fact that it looked really fake and would most likely fall apart. Then we decided on a “place holder” (his term) of cubic zirconia in white gold. Strong enough not to fall apart but so beautiful it looked like the real deal.

It was almost too perfect that we didn’t spend loads of money on a ring since my mother recently decided to bequeath my grandmothers wedding set to me. I would marry Anton barefoot on a beach in a sundress with flowers in my hair and a few close friend and family to celebrate with us over a buffet style reception. It’s our day and the best way to celebrate it is an expression of our love and personalities. There isn’t one specific set of criteria for having weddings, much as planners try to convince you otherwise. So why commit yourself to ‘traditions’ that don’t properly reflect who you are. We get away from the true meaning of a wedding and make it into some extravagant affair and feel guilty if we don’t pull out all the stops. Well I’m here to say that thought process has got to stop. Take control of your day because in all fairness it is YOUR day. Don’t let anyone pressure you into thinking differently.

Dance all night, celebrate til dawn, and most importantly have a blast!!